Sometimes there’s a joke that’s so bad it’s good (if you see what I mean). This one is an oldie that’s made the rounds several times, but it still makes me grin…
A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon’s office. She gently lays her pet on the table and the vet pulls out his stethoscope and listens to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shakes his head and sadly says, "I'm sorry, but your duck – Cuddles – has passed away."
The distressed woman wails, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am very sure. Your duck is dead," replies the vet.
“But how can you be so sure?" she protests. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolls his eyes, turns around, and leaves the room. He returns a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looks on in amazement, the dog stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table, and sniffs the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.
The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room. A few minutes later he returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and also delicately sniffs the bird from head to foot. The cat sits back on its haunches, shakes its head, meows softly, and strolls out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and says, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet then turns to his computer terminal, presses a few keys, and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, takes the bill, reads it, and cries out "$1,020!" "How can you possibly charge me $1,020 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugs and says "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been only $20 – the additional $1,000 is for the Lab Report and the Cat Scan!"