Over the years I’ve seen a lot of ‘Diaries belonging to the Cat’ and ‘To-do lists for the Dog’ type messages going around the Internet, but this was a new one for me and it made me smile so I thought I’d share it…
Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human is there to hear him, is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
PPS: Dear God, I forgot that my tail is also missed, so if it is not too much trouble can I have that back too.
Prmoiise to quit begging for human food, and settle for my leaner cuts of meat and more balanced diet that my master.
I don't know about you, but the PS makes my eyes water.
It brings to mind the day I took our dog Henri to the vet for him to be 'fixed'. When I walked in I told the receptionist that "Mommy was having done to Henri what she would sometimes like to have done to Daddy" (grin)
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