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ral613
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Root beer
ral613   1/17/2014 1:21:38 PM
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If you put root beer in a square glass, do you get real beer?

BigTech0
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Manager
Re: Root beer
BigTech0   1/17/2014 1:42:17 PM
Not bad...


I like this one:

  Q: Why can't computer scientists distinguish between Christmas and
     Halloween?
  A: Because  oct(31) = dec(25)



(The site didn't seem to let me post a reply to the main article...)

David Ashton
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Blogger
Re: Root beer
David Ashton   1/17/2014 6:18:02 PM
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@BigTech0 - the "COMMENT" link under the main article does not let you comment.  Very intuitive, that.

If you click "Post Message" under any existing comment, that lets you post a reply to the main article (ie a top-of-thread comment). "Reply" as you've found, lets you reply to an existing comment.

For an engineering site, I sometimes wonder who dreamed this up (and what he was smoking) :-)

Stargzer
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CEO
Chemical Joke
Stargzer   1/23/2014 1:08:13 PM
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While we're working on bad puns, a chemical rebus:

K9·2Be10 = Hot Dog

 

(Yeah, I know, it may be off topic, but it's 50% numbers.)

Max The Magnificent
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Blogger
Re: Chemical Joke
Max The Magnificent   3/18/2014 2:04:34 PM
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@Stargzer: K9·2Be10 = Hot Dog

That's easy for you to say LOL

betajet
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CEO
Re: Root beer
betajet   1/17/2014 2:06:49 PM
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Radical joke, dude.

BrusselsSprout
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Freelancer
Re: Root beer
BrusselsSprout   1/17/2014 3:32:46 PM
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My friend replies:

The answer is likely no.

You ask the question in the hypothetical, thus the root beer is at least in part imaginary.

RootBeer = a + b*i

RootBeer² = a²-b² + 2abi ... obviously not real

I suppose the beer could be wholly imaginary (a=0), in that case you would owe me beer.

Max The Magnificent
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Re: Root beer
Max The Magnificent   1/17/2014 3:55:38 PM
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@BrusselsSprout: I suppose the beer could be wholly imaginary (a=0), in that case you would owe me beer.

I want 1 2 !

Max The Magnificent
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Blogger
Re: Root beer
Max The Magnificent   1/17/2014 3:43:56 PM
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@ral613: If you put root beer in a square glass, do you get real beer?

GOOD ONE! I love it!

ral613
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Rookie
Noah and the snakes
ral613   1/17/2014 1:28:29 PM
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Here is one I read in Scientific American many years ago.

It's after the flood, the waters have receded and the ark has grounded. Noah kicks down the ramp and says to the animals "Go forth and multiply!" All goes well until the snakes come to the door. "But Noah, we cannot multiply, for we are adders."

Noah is irritated. He grumbles, then grabs his axe and goes off toward a nearby forest. He chops down enough wood to make a crude table. Then he goes back to the ark and says to the snakes "Behold, I have built you a table of logs. Now you adders can multiply!"

 

Max The Magnificent
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Blogger
Re: Noah and the snakes
Max The Magnificent   1/17/2014 3:45:09 PM
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@ral613: Behold, I have built you a table of logs. Now you adders can multiply!

Very clever!

randk
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Rookie
Number joke
randk   1/17/2014 1:43:04 PM
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1 saves
There are 10 kinds of people. Those who know binary and...

BrusselsSprout
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Freelancer
Re: Number joke
BrusselsSprout   1/17/2014 3:29:07 PM
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More properly:

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.  Those that can extrapolate from available data....

another nickname
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Rookie
Re: Number joke
another nickname   1/21/2014 9:36:20 PM
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There are 3 kinds of people in the wolrd. Those who can count and ...

Max The Magnificent
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Re: Number joke
Max The Magnificent   3/18/2014 2:03:30 PM
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@another nickname: There are 3 kinds of people in the wolrd. Those who can count and ...

... those who can't spell "world"? LOL

yamanoor
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Sir Cumference?
yamanoor   1/17/2014 1:48:12 PM
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Well, mathematical AND kinky! 

betajet
User Rank
CEO
Gender selection joke
betajet   1/17/2014 2:18:36 PM
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A Native American woman wants desperately to have a son, so she asks her tribe's shaman if there is something she can do to make sure she has a son instead of a daughter.  He gives her a buffalo hide and tells her always to sleep on it.  Another woman has the same request.  He gives her an elk hide and tells her always to sleep on it.

A third woman has the same request.  At this point the shaman has run low on hides, but he finds an old hippopotamus hide and gives it to the woman.

Nine months later the first two women give birth to sons, and the third gives birth to twin sons.  There is much amazement over the twins and the people ask the shaman to explain this wonderful occurrence.  He tells them that all shamans know that "the sons of the hippopotamus hide are always equal to the sum of the sons of the other two hides."

betajet
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CEO
The Calculus Joke
betajet   1/17/2014 2:26:51 PM
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There once was a mathematician who always ate lunch at the same diner.  He became quite friendly with the waitress who served him at his usual table.

One day he told her: "I'm going to bring a friend tomorrow and I want to play a joke on him.  I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer: X squared over two.  Got it?  X squared over two."

She says fine, and the next day the mathematician brings his friend to lunch.  At one point, the mathematician says: "You know, these days everybody knows calculus.  Here, let me show you."

He signals the waitress, and when she comes he asks her: "What's the integral of x dx?"

She answers: "X squared over two... plus a constant."

[This is an important joke to tell your class when teaching calculus -- it's a great way to remember the constant.]

Max The Magnificent
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Re: The Calculus Joke
Max The Magnificent   1/17/2014 3:53:54 PM
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@Betajet: He became quite friendly with the waitress who served him at his usual table.

The wife of one of my friend's in the UK has a Masters in bio-chemistry. Many years ago now (I mean before everyone had computers on their desks) she left work to have kids. When the kids were a bit older she decided to go back to work, but she didn't want a full-time position, so she ended up working for a temp agency.

One of her jobs ended up being at some sort of R&D facility. Apparently the head of the dept to which she was assigned was a real jerk who was convinced of his superiority and who treated people like secetaries as though they were idiots.

He gave her a technical paper to write up. She spotted a subtle error with one of his biochemical formulas. Once she'd finished, she waited until he was chatting with some other managers, then she approached them and handed over the paper and told him "You made a mistake in this formula" and explained the thing in detail using lots of technical jargon then smiled nicely and walked off leaving him with a very strange look on his face :-)

betajet
User Rank
CEO
Re: The Calculus Joke
betajet   1/17/2014 3:58:56 PM
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Excellent!  As V.I. Warshawski says: "Never underestimate a man's ability to underestimate a woman".

Max The Magnificent
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Blogger
Re: The Calculus Joke
Max The Magnificent   1/17/2014 4:05:32 PM
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@Betajet: "Never underestimate a man's ability to underestimate a woman".

I always liked that demonstration of how punctuation can change the meaning of a sentence:

A woman, without her man, is nothing.

A woman: without her, man is nothing.

 

Another one that makes me laugh is:

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle



 

betajet
User Rank
CEO
Re: The Calculus Joke
betajet   1/17/2014 4:11:45 PM
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Punctuate the following words: "fun fun fun worry worry worry".

[I'll be back later.]

 

 

betajet
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CEO
Topologist joke
betajet   1/17/2014 2:42:36 PM
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An an experiment, an engineer, a physicist, and a topologist are each locked in a room with a can of food but no can opener: all they have is pencil and paper.

The next day, the engineer's pencil and paper are unused, and the walls are covered with dents.  The engineer is sitting on the floor eating from the open can: he threw it against the walls until it cracked open.

The physicist's paper is covered with formulas, there is one dent in the wall, and the physicist is eating too.  He calculated exactly how to throw the can against the wall so it would crack open the first time.

When they open the topologist's room, the paper and walls are covered with formulas, the can is still closed, and the topologist has disappeared.  There are strange noises coming from inside the can.  Someone gets a can opener and opens it.  The topologist pops out and says "Thanks guys!" and adds somewhat sheepishly "I got one of the signs wrong".



Michael.Wilson.Argent
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Rookie
A number is involved....
Michael.Wilson.Argent   1/17/2014 5:57:07 PM
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in this joke, which many of you have probably heard, but here goes.

A researcher investigating the humor of puns uses 10 sample puns to see if they can make each subject laugh but, for the most part, no pun in 10 did.

Stargzer
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CEO
Calculus
Stargzer   3/18/2014 1:47:06 PM
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From the 1960s:

a∫sds=½ass

From another friend.  If I had learned more of these I might have done better in calculus.

a⌠   1     dcabin=log cabin
  ⌡ cabin

(formatting can be a real bear ...)

(Wikipedia article on the SDS)

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