Hats off to this month's Immortal Works caption writers, whose biting bons mots ingratiated them with our esteemed judges and earned them instant fame in the process.
February's winning caption
"The heating bill has sure been lower since we got that new 300-GHz PC."
Michael Wright, technical staff engineer, General Dynamics, C4 Systems, Scottsdale, Ariz.
"Somebody needs to change the toner in that darn engineering copier again!"
Chester-Jensen Co. Inc.
"I know the boss said you had to have that laser projector working for demos tomorrow, but could you turn that thing off and come to bed ?"
Senior Design Engineer
Evans and Sutherland
Salt Lake City
"I don't care if you discovered how to ascend to a higher plane of existence, it's still your turn to change the baby."
Steven L. Comee
Canoga Park, Calif.
"What do you mean, all your 'suppliers' must be ISO-certified?"
Devlin M. Gualtieri
Senior Principal Scientist
Kirk beams out just seconds before the female alien's husband arrives.
Inapac Technology Inc.
San Jose, Calif.
". . . and that's not all, Mary. The really good news is that as part of this joint project, three wise men from the East will be meeting with you to coordinate the offshoring plan as a means to maximize shareholder value."
"I knew I should have never married a chip designer!"
Roger K. Lawrence
TECO-Westinghouse Motor Co.
Round Rock, Texas
New high-intensity amber LEDs in the annunciator panel.
Mark H. Rackin
Automotive Systems Co. of America
Peachtree City, Ga.
"Maybe I should not have left that new power supply on full load test all night."
Worldwide EDMS Sales
"OK, now I believe your transporter works."
Senior Electrical Engineer
"I take it you got flamed at the design review."
Maple Shade, N.J.
JJR and Associates
"Oh John, you know I love our new boule furnace, but must it be in the bedroom?"
Principal Design Engineer
BAE Systems Controls
Johnson City, N.Y.
And the angel said unto her, 'Fear not, Mary, for thou shalt conceive a 65-nm IC . . .'
Westinghouse Electric Co.
"Woe is me. When management said we were going to use COTS, I didn't think they meant this."
Daniel T. Boyko
Analog Design Engineer
Analog Devices Inc.
The 1-terahertz Pentium was a much needed killer application that saved the semiconductor industry. It not only provided enormous computing power but also eliminated the need for lighting and heating in the entire house.
Alternative System Concepts
"Now I lay me down to sleep,
My lowly job I wish to keep;
But if I'm outsourced when I wake,
No severance pay will ease the ache."
Richard G. Barned
NexPress Solutions Inc.
"Stop soldering and come to bed."
Losira Systems Inc.
"I wonder how many more lumens it will take to light the whole bed?"
San Juan Software LLC
Friday Harbor, Wash.
They told her she had nothing to worry about when the nuclear reactor was built in the next county, but Becky hasn't slept well since it was put in operation.
"I have to stop going to the engineers' picnic."
Joseph M. Kusmiss
After nearly two weeks of Henry's attempts to boost his wireless signal power, Sarah was growing tired of the frequent radiation-induced fires."
CS Surveillance Systems
Rockwell Collins Inc.
Cedar Rapids, Iowa