What are your favorite engineering jokes?

1/26/2012 10:48 AM EST

Four engineers are driving along when the car starts misfiring badly. They pull over, pop the hood, and listen to the engine making bad sounds.

"Surely four engineers can figure out how to make this thing run well again" they said to themselves.

The chemical engineer said "I think it has water in the fuel tank. We need to change out the gas."

The electrical engineer said "No, I think the points are shot. We need to give it a tune up."

The mechanical engineer disagreed as well and said "I think we need to adjust the valves."

They then looked at the software engineer and asked, "Well, what do you think we ought to do?" He paused very briefly and said "I think we ought to just turn it off and back on and see if that fixes it." (insert groans here....)
************
Surprisingly, that very solution actually saved me one day. My Chrysler Concord had a flaky transmission that one day got stuck in first gear (not good when you're 25 miles from home). When I shut off the car and restarted it I was back to highway speeds.

This kept working many times over the next several weeks until the tranny finally crapped out (the car was not worth fixing). My transmission expert friend told me that when the car's computer detected errors from the transmission sensors it would tell it to go into "limp home" mode (i.e. the relative safety of 1st gear). Power cycling the car would clear the error and I'd be good to go until the next error code came along.

1/26/2012 1:22 PM EST

And then there's the one about the engineers debating the nature of God.

"God must be a mechanical engineer – look at the human skeleton and how it works so perfectly."

"No," says another, "God must be An electrical engineer. Look how wonderfully all of the electrical signals route from the brain to the rest of the body."

"No," says the third. "He has to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a sewage line through a recreational area?"

1/26/2012 5:17 PM EST

A neutron and proton enter a bar for a drink. The proton approaches the bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "We don't serve electrons here."
The proton protests, "But, I'm not an electron, I am a proton."
The bartender asks, "Are you sure?"
The proton replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
~GROAN~

1/26/2012 5:18 PM EST

Some people look at the glass and say it is half full, some say it is half empty--an engineer looks at it and says it is not properly sized for the system requirements.

1/26/2012 6:45 PM EST

During the French Revolution a lawyer, doctor, and engineer were about to face the guillotine. The lawyer went first, but the blade jammed. This being considered "divine intervention" they set the lawyer free.

The doctor was next, again the blade jammed, and again due to "divine intervention" they set the doctor free.

As the engineer was about to be placed in the chopping block he happened to glance up, then said "Wait a minute - I think I see the problem."

1/27/2012 1:02 AM EST

Of course we have all heard this one...(put down your cup of coffee first)

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mouse?

A. elephant-mouse-sine-theta

1/27/2012 2:49 AM EST

A radio engineer onboard a Navy ship was waiting for news of his first born child to be. All channels were reserved and strictly monitored for official communications only, so with the help of the radio operators and some coded phrases he was able to find out.

-Sir, the radio parts have arrived at base. All are in good shape with no damage from transport.

-Acknowledged. Please inform if transmitter or receiver.

1/27/2012 3:06 AM EST

An army sergeant got his first demonstration of newfangled fiber optic cable for battle field communication. The sales guy went on and on about "lightweight, thin, invisible, just throw it up into the treetops and the enemy will never find it."

This particular army sergeant was well versed in battle field requirements and the many uses of RG8 coaxial cable. "So how can I pull a jeep out of the mud with this crappy stuff?

1/27/2012 4:29 AM EST

Can't remember where I got this from but it might have been in a book...so excuse me if I'm plagiarising.....

Dean of Engineering gets called up to the Chancellor of the university. "You have to curb your spending....computers...test equipment...it's getting out of hand!"

"But we need all this stuff to teach the students!" the dean protests.

"Why can't you be like the maths department, they just need a blackboard and a waste paper basket?" the chancellor asks.

He thinks for another few seconds. "Or better still like the philosophy department? They don't even need the waste paper basket...."

1/27/2012 9:37 AM EST

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude.
Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow today, aren't they?
George: Oh yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge.
SILENCE.
Priest: That's so sad, I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything we can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

1/27/2012 4:01 PM EST

Ooh, I found a great one:

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked: "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

1/28/2012 11:59 PM EST

OK, here is one I found on the internet, at:
http://www.engineeringhumor.com/jokes01.html

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

The balloonist replies: "You must be an engineer."

"I am," replies the man, "how did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says "Well, you must be in management."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

1/29/2012 10:36 AM EST

An electrical engineering student was asked a question by the professor during viva-voce exam:

Professor: "What would happen to a bird if it lands on one wire of a 33KV AC transmission line?"

Student said confidently: "It will fly away."

Professor: "Why do you think so?"

Student: "Because, the red blood cells contains iron, which will start to circulate in the bird's blood along the electro-magnetic field around the 33KV AC line...hence the bird will feel dizziness...hence it will fly away."

2/1/2012 5:27 PM EST

Electrical engg. final viva examination:
Examiner to Student: How type of electrical transmission wire system is used for high voltage transmission.
Student: 3 Phase.
Examiner: How many wires are needed?
Student: 3 wires, one for each phase.
Examiner: Then, what is the fourth one in some cases?
Student: The 4th is for the birds to sit.

2/2/2012 12:49 AM EST

Mechanical engineers make weapons, Civil engineers make targets :)

2/7/2012 5:13 AM EST

Engineer as a Designer of the Human Body

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''

Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''

The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''


hahahah

Thanks,
http://www.zuneauto.com