Programmable Logic DesignLine Blog
Can you beat these bagpipe jokes?
Clive Maxfield
6/9/2012 2:15 PM EDT
I remember from a long time ago hearing the saying that "A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipes … but doesn't."
Then, when I was reading this month's issue of the Reader's Digest, I spotted another bagpipe joke as follows:
This brought a smile to my face, so I started looking around and found the following gems:
The last one made me laugh out loud (grin). So, can you beat these?
If you found this article to be interest, visit Microcontroller / MCU Designline where – in addition to my Max's Cool Beans blogs on all sorts of "stuff" – you will find the latest and greatest design, technology, product, and news articles with regard to all aspects of designing and using microcontrollers.
Also, you can obtain a highlights update delivered directly to your inbox by signing up for my weekly newsletter – just Click Here to request this newsletter using the Manage Newsletters tab (if you aren't already a member you'll be asked to register, but it's free and painless so don't let that stop you [grin]).
Last but certainly not least, make sure you check out all of the discussions and other information resources at All Programmable Planet. For example, in addition to blogs by yours truly, microcontroller expert Duane Benson is learning how to use FPGAs to augment (sometimes replace) the MCUs in his robot (and other) projects.
Then, when I was reading this month's issue of the Reader's Digest, I spotted another bagpipe joke as follows:
Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
This brought a smile to my face, so I started looking around and found the following gems:
Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A. A bagpiper.
Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
Q. What do you call bagpiper with half a brain?
A. Gifted.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
The last one made me laugh out loud (grin). So, can you beat these?
If you found this article to be interest, visit Microcontroller / MCU Designline where – in addition to my Max's Cool Beans blogs on all sorts of "stuff" – you will find the latest and greatest design, technology, product, and news articles with regard to all aspects of designing and using microcontrollers.
Also, you can obtain a highlights update delivered directly to your inbox by signing up for my weekly newsletter – just Click Here to request this newsletter using the Manage Newsletters tab (if you aren't already a member you'll be asked to register, but it's free and painless so don't let that stop you [grin]).
Last but certainly not least, make sure you check out all of the discussions and other information resources at All Programmable Planet. For example, in addition to blogs by yours truly, microcontroller expert Duane Benson is learning how to use FPGAs to augment (sometimes replace) the MCUs in his robot (and other) projects.
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David Brown
6/12/2012 4:37 AM EDT
Have you heard of the one-armed bagpipe blues musician, Jamie McGee? I heard a radio documentary about him around 20 years ago, and never did find out if it was real or a spoof:
http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=45979
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Max the Magnificent
6/12/2012 10:14 AM EDT
I must admit that I have never heard of this guy -- maybe another reader can cast some light on this...
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QSI Steve
6/12/2012 10:33 AM EDT
"I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equaled the purity of sound achieved by the pig." - Alfred Hitchcock
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Max the Magnificent
6/12/2012 10:35 AM EDT
I'd forgotten that one -- but it is a good one.
I've been telling these jokes to great effect to anyone who didn't get out of my way fast enough :-)
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careerEE
6/12/2012 10:48 AM EDT
Q. What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A. When you throw a bagpipe into the dumpster, and it lands on an accordion.
Q. Why do bagpipe players march while playing?
A. To get away from the noise.
Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road, and a dead country singer in the road?
A. There's skid marks in front of the dead country singer.
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Max the Magnificent
6/12/2012 10:58 AM EDT
LOL !!!! :-)
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darenw
6/14/2012 4:04 AM EDT
My favorite isn't in words, but a cartoon I saw somewhere years ago. The caption reads "An unfortunate incident in the home of a near-sighted piper". A scotsman in kilts is holding a startled cat, its legs pointing out in various direction as he blows into one, while a neglected bagpipe rests on the floor next to a food bowl. It cracks me up every time.
BTW, my dad's dad was Scottish and knew how to play the pipes. All the engineering talent is on my mom's side of the family. Just one data point with no statistical significance, but, just sayin'...
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ost
6/14/2012 4:56 AM EDT
Sounds like something from "the far side" :)
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ost
6/14/2012 5:48 AM EDT
Then again, there are other ways to abuse cats..
http://www.buzzfeed.com/tommywes/half-cat-half-machine-and-totally-insane
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antedeluvian
6/14/2012 9:06 AM EDT
Thant has got to be the weirdest thing I have ever seen on the internet. Hell, that is the weirdest thing I have seen anywhere!
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Max the Magnificent
6/14/2012 9:49 AM EDT
OMG -- I love it -- we have two cats -- I now know what their future holds!!!
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chipchap42
6/14/2012 1:13 PM EDT
That is truly spectacular! Thanks very much for sharing. Shows me that we engineers are not the only ones pushing the envelope...
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Max the Magnificent
6/14/2012 9:55 AM EDT
Now you mention it, I remember seeing that cartoon -- I need to show it to our two cats :-)
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zeeglen
6/14/2012 8:31 PM EDT
"A scotsman in kilts is holding a startled cat,"
Can't resist what this reminded me of... The Scotsman's Kilt
A Scotsman clad in Kilt left the pub one evening fair,
And one could tell by how he walked he'd drank more than his share.
He staggered on until he could
no longer keep his feet,
Then stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Later on two young and lovely lasses happened by,
And one said to the other with a twinkle in her eye
"You see yon sleeping Scotsman who's so young and handsome built,
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their Kilt."
They crept up to the sleeping Scotsman, quiet as could be,
And lifted up his Kilt just enough so they could see.
And there behold for them to view beneath that Scottish skirt
Was naught but what the Lord had blessed him with upon his birth.
They marveled for a moment, then one said "We'd best be gone,
But let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
She took her blue silk ribbon and she tied it in a bow
Around that bonnie spar that the lifted Kilt did show.
The Scotsman wakes to nature's call and stumbles to some trees.
Behind a bush he lifts his Kilt - and gawks at what he sees.
Then in a startled voice he says to what's before his eye
"Lad, I dunno where ye've been, but I see ye've won first prize!"
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David Ashton
6/16/2012 8:56 AM EDT
Two young sassenach lasses are at the highland games, and brwany scots are blowing bagpipes and tossing cabers left, right and centre.
Mary says to Susan "Do they wear enything under their kilts?"
"I'm not sure" says Susan. "Why don't you ask that one over there, he looks quite friendly?"
SO Mary goes over and shyly asks the brawny Scot: "'Scuse me, but my friend and I wanted to know if anything is worn underneath the kilt?"
"Nooo" replies the Scot. "Everything's in purrrfect worrrking orrder!"
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canuck23
6/14/2012 12:27 PM EDT
My grandfather, a Yorkshireman who lived close enough to the border to have heard bagpipes all his life, was always telling me things that I found out, the older I grew, were not exactly correct. His take on a bagpipe was that it was a bag with a cat in it, and the piper didn't blow, he just bit the cat's tail through the mouthpiece and then squeezed it, resulting in all the noise.
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Max the Magnificent
6/14/2012 12:49 PM EDT
That would certainly answer a lot of questions about bagpipes ... and Scotsmen :-)
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RichQ
6/14/2012 2:29 PM EDT
then there was the scottsman who, on returning from a trip to NYC, was asked how he liked the trip.
It was terrible, he said. All night long there were people yelling and pounding on the walls and door of my roon.
What did you do about it?
Nothing, I ignored them and went back to practicing my pipes.
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David Brown
6/14/2012 4:40 PM EDT
I wonder if any of you have ever heard a good piper play? The bagpipes are as hard to play well as any other musical instrument - but they are also just as easy to play badly. The difference between the bagpipes and other instruments is that you can play badly and still sound quite impressive, and many people /think/ that's how it is supposed to sound. So a lot of the pipers you hear busking for coins on the street, or playing in some video on youtube, are simply bad bagpipe players.
If you have ever actually listened to a proper pipe band, or seen a military tattoo, or heard folk musician players, or a piper at a funeral, you'll understand that good piping is a fantastic sound. It's a bit loud up close, but wonderful in its place.
Try looking up "Red Hot Chili Pipers" on google, or for something a little more sophisticated, "The Corries", who play a variety of bagpipes (not just the more famous Scottish pipes) amongst other instruments.
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Max the Magnificent
6/18/2012 11:35 AM EDT
@David: Thanks so much for this -- I just looked at the Red Hot Chilli Pipers -- I LOVE them -- Max
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KB3001
6/14/2012 4:45 PM EDT
Am I the only person here who loves the sound of bagpipes? :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOltIzlgNT4&feature=related
Enjoy!
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zeeglen
6/14/2012 11:06 PM EDT
Nope, you are not. Many years ago in Smith's Falls, Ontario, Canada, the Air Cadets had a ceremony (I had 4 sons in Air Cadets).
At most (if not all) Military ceremonies in Canada the Bagpipers are always there. It is a traditional Canadian thing.
After the ceremonies the adults gathered in the lounge for a beer or 2 or 3 or more..., one of the Pipers stood up 2 feet away from me and commenced playing. His face was beet red from the effort of blowing, and it was damn loud but he was a good piper, and I loved it. Yes, I do love the sound of the pipes.
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zeeglen
6/14/2012 11:25 PM EDT
Further, an interesting tune performed by singer Cookie Rankin and fiddler Natalie MacMaster is the "The Drunken Piper", it's on youtube. Ms MacMaster somehow makes her fiddle sound like bagpipes.
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Max the Magnificent
6/15/2012 10:28 AM EDT
No -- all joking aside, I also love the sound of the bagpipes -- especially outdoors in the Scottish countryside (again, not joking) ... the haunting sound makes me imagine a time from long ago...
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KB3001
6/15/2012 2:29 PM EDT
Great, I am not a freak then :-) There is something deeply authentic and decent about the sound of bagpipes, I feel.... OK, I am pushing my luck now [grin]
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Max the Magnificent
6/15/2012 2:35 PM EDT
## Great, I am not a freak then...
Hang on, I never said that you weren't a freak (grin)
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KB3001
6/15/2012 2:38 PM EDT
lol
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seaEE
6/21/2012 12:50 AM EDT
I would agree with this, and there is a real pageantry associated with them.
And I would also agree with Max's comment on the haunting sound, though we might need to know what he meant by haunting, lol. Frankly, I think bagpipes would probably drive away most ghosts, hence making any surrounding area less frightening.
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David Brown
6/16/2012 6:43 AM EDT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rcMHGUr7Vs
I had a distant relative who once wrote a concerto for bagpipe and orchestra, but I don't know if it was ever performed!
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zeeglen
6/20/2012 10:36 PM EDT
Remember when the Moody Blues successfully did the orchestra thing ("Days of Future Passed"? The Harmonicats brought harmonicas to the forefront. A bagpipe/orchestra concerto would be interesting...
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Max the Magnificent
6/21/2012 9:28 AM EDT
An earlier comment introduced me to the Scottish band "The Red Hot Chilli Pipers" -- drums and guitars and bagpipes -- I've downloaded all four of their albums to my iPad -- I LOVE them!
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high level
6/28/2012 4:19 AM EDT
Whats better than bagpipes:
Jenny O' Connor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg1xqAjQ5e4&feature=related
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high level
6/28/2012 4:22 AM EDT
equally good in bagpipes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U89Qtbnk-Q4&feature=related
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high level
6/28/2012 4:27 AM EDT
and for just bagpipe fun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amNF_F6oeRU&feature=related
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Max the Magnificent
6/28/2012 9:24 AM EDT
WOW!!!
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zeeglen
6/30/2012 6:43 PM EDT
Thanks, High Level - good listen
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zeeglen
7/7/2012 3:22 PM EDT
Your link has inspired me to pull my fiddle off it's hanger and learn this tune. Nothing like being able to see the fingering and bowing. Thanks again.
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Alan42
6/26/2012 8:07 AM EDT
Bag Pipes were given to the Scotts centuries ago by the British, as a practical joke. They told them that it was a musical instrument and the Scotts have been trying to play them ever since.
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Max the Magnificent
6/26/2012 10:43 AM EDT
LOL
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OmegaMan
6/26/2012 10:59 AM EDT
A piper finished a long, hot parade and went to the pub to quench his terrible thirst. He hadn't been there long when he suddenly realized that, although he'd locked his car, he'd left his pipes in plain view on the seat. He rushed back to the car, but was too late. The car window was broken, and there were three more sets of pipes on the back seat.
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Max the Magnificent
6/26/2012 11:01 AM EDT
LOL LOL LOL
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squarewheels
6/26/2012 11:34 AM EDT
Why do bagpipers march as they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Really, though, if you want a *lot* of musical jokes, you can search online for the Canonical List of Banjo Jokes. There's also a rather large list of orchestra jokes available online (What do you call two oboes playing in unison? A minor second.)
I do love the pipes, though. I've got several LPs and CDs with various groups, the Edinburgh Military Tattoo, and so on. One's even in my car's CD player right now.
Here in Denver, there's a model train store called Caboose Hobbies. I haven't been in it in years, but they used to have a corner of the store that contained bagpipe material (practice chanters, lessons, and so on). I may have to check to see if they still have it.
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