Here's my entry for the 2008 BLFC

10/24/2007 10:30 AM EDT

The cassette tape I ordered from Amazon containing 101 of the best of the "Worst opening sentences of stories that were never published" arrived yesterday, since when I've been chuckling away listening to it whilst driving to and from my office. In fact, I've been moved to create my own entry, which I submitted by email to the contest organizers just a few minutes ago as I pen these words.

What? You want to see it? I'm too embarrassed. Oh, well, if you insist, here it is (I'd love to hear what you think):

As the hours passed, the expressions on the partygoers' faces became increasingly bemused and bewildered as my mother – having grabbed the conversational reins with gusto and abandon using one of her classic opening gambits of "I bumped into Mrs. Bottomly at the supermarket the other day..." – proceeded to inundate the gathered throng with a myriad of seemingly innocuous and unrelated details "...you remember, she was the oldest of three sisters; the youngest, Beryl, was a slut, while the middle sister eloped with a transsexual Australian taxidermist and they had two sons – Joseph, who loved nibbling pickled herrings, and Barnaby, who couldn't bring himself to touch any form of fruit – and..." and I could see the question forming in everyone's minds: "Can she possibly tie all of these tidbits of trivia together and somehow bring this tortuous tale to a meaningful close?" ... and I cowered against the wall wearing a tight, grim smile because I knew, to my cost, that she could.

Questions? Comments? Feel free to email me – Clive "Max" Maxfield – at max@techbites.com). And, of course, if you haven't already done so, don't forget to Sign Up for our weekly Programmable Logic DesignLine Newsletter.