Ever watch a movie with one of these annoying people that feel the need to explain why the special effects wouldn't work in real life? Don't you hate that? I try not to be that person. It even annoys me, but sometimes I just can't help myself; especially on Friday after a seemingly very long week..
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unless you're a forest fire fighter, then fighting fire with fire, the "backfire", is often an effective and valuable tool.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? - Actually, we typically choose from 20 or so. The elimination process is just a lot slower.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - In the last decade banks have been more of a place that will lend you money if you have no hope of ever repaying it.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. - but open minded creativity is finding a way to do so and make it taste good.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet? - because if they tried to touch a star, it would burn their finger.
Okay. I'll stop now. Sorry.
I find it hard to say which is my favorite of these. I have to admit that I do like the P. G. Wodehouse one that says ""She looks as though she's been poured into her clothes, and forgot to say when." But then there's the always-funny like from Groucho Marx "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." I wish I could come up with things like this...