A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude.
Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow today, aren't they?
George: Oh yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge.
Priest: That's so sad, I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything we can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
Again not engineering, but it shows us why engineers are better than some other professions....
Lawyer walks into a bar. Bartender greets him: "Morning, sir, what can I offer you to drink today?"
I'll have a scotch, please," the lawyer says.
Barman pours it, lawyer downs it, the barman says "That'll be two dollars fifty, bud."
But you offered me a drink" the lawyer says. "That consitutes a verbal contract, my friend!"
The barman is incensed. "Get out of my bar, you ratbag, I never want to see you in here again!"
The lawyer exists, but minutes later is back again. "I thought I told you never to come in here again!" says the barman. "What do you mean? asks the lawyer. "This is the first time I've been in this bar in my life!"
"Well all I can say", says the barman, "is that you must have a double!"
"Thanks - make it scotch!"
Can't remember where I got this from but it might have been in a book...so excuse me if I'm plagiarising.....
Dean of Engineering gets called up to the Chancellor of the university. "You have to curb your spending....computers...test equipment...it's getting out of hand!"
"But we need all this stuff to teach the students!" the dean protests.
"Why can't you be like the maths department, they just need a blackboard and a waste paper basket?" the chancellor asks.
He thinks for another few seconds. "Or better still like the philosophy department? They don't even need the waste paper basket...."
Reminds me of another one, also not really engineering related. And I'm told that this really happened.....
Years ago a bored radio operator on the DEW Line network (or something similar) got on the air in the middle of the night. "HI, I'm a friendly bear! Are there any other friendly bears out there?"
Another operator chimed in: "Hi, how about that, I'm a friendly bear too!!"
Soon there were quite a few friendly bears chatting away. Then a commanding officer broke in. "This is a defense radio network, and national security depends on it. All this nonsense is to cease immediately! That's an order!!"
There was a few seconds silence, then from one of the outstations:
"You're not a very friendly bear...."
An army sergeant got his first demonstration of newfangled fiber optic cable for battle field communication. The sales guy went on and on about "lightweight, thin, invisible, just throw it up into the treetops and the enemy will never find it."
This particular army sergeant was well versed in battle field requirements and the many uses of RG8 coaxial cable. "So how can I pull a jeep out of the mud with this crappy stuff?
A radio engineer onboard a Navy ship was waiting for news of his first born child to be. All channels were reserved and strictly monitored for official communications only, so with the help of the radio operators and some coded phrases he was able to find out.
-Sir, the radio parts have arrived at base. All are in good shape with no damage from transport.
-Acknowledged. Please inform if transmitter or receiver.
Not engineering, but along the same line.
Two ropes walk into a bar and get bounced, "We don't serve ropes here".
One rope tries to disguise himself, ties himself into a knot and frays all the fiber at his head end. Goes back into the bar, the bartender looks at him maliciously and says "Are you a rope?"
"Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
During the French Revolution a lawyer, doctor, and engineer were about to face the guillotine. The lawyer went first, but the blade jammed. This being considered "divine intervention" they set the lawyer free.
The doctor was next, again the blade jammed, and again due to "divine intervention" they set the doctor free.
As the engineer was about to be placed in the chopping block he happened to glance up, then said "Wait a minute - I think I see the problem."