Engineer as a Designer of the Human Body
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
Electrical engg. final viva examination:
Examiner to Student: How type of electrical transmission wire system is used for high voltage transmission.
Student: 3 Phase.
Examiner: How many wires are needed?
Student: 3 wires, one for each phase.
Examiner: Then, what is the fourth one in some cases?
Student: The 4th is for the birds to sit.
An electrical engineering student was asked a question by the professor during viva-voce exam:
Professor: "What would happen to a bird if it lands on one wire of a 33KV AC transmission line?"
Student said confidently: "It will fly away."
Professor: "Why do you think so?"
Student: "Because, the red blood cells contains iron, which will start to circulate in the bird's blood along the electro-magnetic field around the 33KV AC line...hence the bird will feel dizziness...hence it will fly away."
OK, here another bar joke:
A grizzly bear walks into a bar, and orders a drink.
The barman looks up from the glass he was drying, looks the grizzly up and down once, and then calmly looks back to his glass, and says: "Sorry but we don't serve bears here".
The grizzly is annoyed, growls and pounds his huge paws on the bar. "Grrrrr!....Now look here, I've been out looking for honey all day, and I just want a refreshing drink. There's no law against that is there?"
Still wiping the glass, the barman responds "Well that may well be true, but at this bar we have a policy that we don't serve bears, especially bears that are loud and violent."
Now the grizzly is really annoyed. He stands up, lets out a huge roar, thrashes his head about and takes a huge bite out of the wooden bar, chews a couple of times and swallows it. He then roars at the top of his lungs "GIVE ME A DRINK NOW!!!"
The other patrons are stunned and silent, but the barman just stood there, calmly wiping the glass. Without even looking up, the barman coolly replies: "We don't serve bears here, especially bears that are loud, violent, and take drugs."
The bear is livid. "What? Drugs? What do you mean, I'm no drug user!!"
The barman looks the bear straight in the eye: "Oh yeah? Well buddy, I saw that bar-bit-you-ate".
OK, here is one I found on the internet, at:
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
The balloonist replies: "You must be an engineer."
"I am," replies the man, "how did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "Well, you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Ooh, I found a great one:
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
A Book For All Reasons Bernard Cole1 Comment Robert Oshana's recent book "Software Engineering for Embedded Systems (Newnes/Elsevier)," written and edited with Mark Kraeling, is a 'book for all reasons.' At almost 1,200 pages, it ...