'Japanese officials stated that the reactors are in a "cold shutdown" state and no longer releasing high levels of radiation. That statement does not reassure me at all.'
Strange that the officials mention the condition of the reactor when the power cut was to cooling tanks (pools?). What power do they need? Power for the lighting so you can check the external condition of the fuel rods? Power for the crane that emplaces and re-arranges the rods? None of this seems at all dangerous if there is a power cut. The rods will continue to decay, heat will continue to convect away.
I've suddenly realised this article was meant to be humorous.