Given the amount of interest in Rhyming Slang, here's a plug for my comprehensive online Cockerney™ Rhyming Slang dictionary - http://moteprime.org/cockerney/ - which may help non-Cockerneys from around the world. And Basildon.
One of my favorite Brit-isms is "not a patch on", meaning that something compares poorly to something else. I first encountered the phrase in a spy thriller in which there was a character who was from Cleethorpes, a seaside resort in Northeast England. During WWII, whenever his Army company arrived at a new location he'd declare "it's not a patch on Cleethorpes", which became a company catch-phrase. A fellow soldier was once sent off on a recon mission to check out a location for an upcoming operation and was reprimanded when he sent back the message: "Location suitable in all respects but not a patch on Cleethorpes".
I heartily recommend The Limey, a 1999 USA crime film starring the great Terrence Stamp as a career criminal who travels to Los Angeles to find out why his beloved grown daughter really died while he was serving a long spell in chokey. A great scene is when he attempts -- in Cockney -- to explain himself and his philosophy of life to a senior DEA agent. The agent's reply is one of my all-time favorite movie lines.