Customers said that Charlie was obstinate and deaf to customer complaints. They felt that, instead of addressing problems, he simply offered declarations.

Charlie had to do something. But what? To his delight, along came the epiphany. He took inspiration from President Bush, who had similar problems, albeit on a grander scale.

When the president was accused of being anti-environment just because he wanted to permit building logging roads through our national forests, and just because he wanted to permit drilling for oil near our beaches, and just because he wanted to relax rules about the destruction of wetlands, our strong-willed leader stood firm. He knew that what was good for the timber companies and oil companies was good for the nation. He made it clear that it was necessary to defer to private groups in our conservation efforts. Then he proved that he favored the environment by posing for photographs in front of some Sequoia trees.

A great idea. Charlie had himself photographed in front of a sign, declaring, "We care."

When the president suggested to European leaders that he might abandon the 1972 Antiballistic Missile Treaty, signed by countries that had successfully avoided nuclear wars for almost three decades, he hoped they would be open-minded about his possibly abandoning the treaty to develop a missile-defense system, despite the evidence that the ABM treaty worked and that most tests of a missile defense did not. One recent test did succeed in knocking down a mock warhead. Which proves that if an enemy tells you where and when he will send a warhead, and if he describes his decoy and limits himself to only one decoy, our ABM system might work.

The president emphasized his hope that the Europeans would understand his firm decision to do nothing about global warming because the issue called for more scientific study (while the ABM did not). He argued that a major scientific study warning about the urgency of addressing global warming wasn't enough. He hoped the Europeans would not be stubborn on the matter.

And finally, on a more local issue, responding to vehement complaints about the Health Care Financing Administration, complaints that this agency that runs Medicare and Medicaid was an unresponsive, rigid, heavy-handed bureaucratic behemoth, the Bush administration had a solution. Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy G. Thompson declared that quality services were the agency's top priority. To prove it, the agency would get a new name, "Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services."

What terrific ideas. Charlie made some strong speeches defending everything his company did and demanding that customers be open-minded. Then he changed the name of his company.