The series, written by Mike Cassidy (mcassidy@sjmercury.com), describes a process that puts work ahead of family, ahead of being there for the birth of a child or the death of a family member. "In the design race, engineers' families finish second." Period.

But this is a world many engineers choose willingly, a world in which the completion of a successful design is the reward. Once the design is complete, the team sets off again on a new design challenge and what seems to be a never-ending, day-and-night effort to complete the next whiz-bang design on schedule-and then to start again.

But there is a different world, as described by an engineer's e-mail response to the Jan. 14 column "Promise to just be there" (page 78). Here's what this engineer had to say: "I really went crazy two years ago when I went into a couple of startups. It was 18-hour days, all sitting in front of a computer, not to mention being part of a goofy, decadent, dormitory-style corporate culture that thinks humans thrive on Pop Tarts and Twinkies. Before I got wise and walked away, I [had grown to] 265 pounds on stress, sugar and sitting."

This engineer quit the startup circuit and is now with a well-established and stable semiconductor company, where the hours are reasonable and the checks always clear the bank. For this engineer, this is his world of choice.

Now for a personal note. In my world, today is a very special day because on this day, Feb. 11, 1956, Barbara and I were married during an old-fashioned Chicago blizzard. We were two skinny and naive 21-year-olds who had met in a neighborhood bar and had never been out of the security of our parents' homes. But as we drove from Chicago to our first $55-a-month apartment in Kingston, N.Y. (IBM), we were confident that our "startup" would be able to handle whatever came our way. And thanks to Barbara, somehow we did.

Now Barbara's challenge is getting her college degree by the time she is 70. Life is beautiful indeed.

When frank isn't taking evening college algebra classes with Barbara, he can be reached at .