The Bush administration had reported that the Iraqi government was harboring and building weapons of mass destruction, similar to those we have in this country. And the Iraqis were part of an Axis of Evil, President Bush declared. There isn't much evidence of such weapons, but almost everybody knows that Saddam Hussein is not to be trusted. He has lied before and could lie again.

We must defend ourselves against another treacherous attack like that on Sept. 11, which was engineered by Iraqis, and we have to defend democracy. Well, the attackers weren't exactly Iraqis; mainly they were Saudis, who aren't poster boys for democracy. But we can't attack the Saudis; they are our friends. At this moment, anyway. So we should attack Iraq, not Saudi Arabia.

There isn't much evidence that the Iraqi government is ready to launch any kind of attack anywhere. But our intelligence agencies, whose bureaucracies so magnificently bungled information about an impending terrorist attack, have improved their vigilance and gained a great deal of intelligence about what resides in the mind of Saddam Hussein.

The fact that our agencies failed disastrously before Sept. 11-a fact denied at first by President Bush because, after all, the FBI and CIA didn't know the exact date or flight number-was a blow to their credibility. That the CIA did not share with the FBI crucial information that might have prevented the disaster is natural. After all, would you share vital information with your business rival?

But at least one federal agency, the Drug Enforcement Agency, has shown its vigor. On the morning of Sept. 5, some 30 DEA agents, clad in battle fatigues and armed with automatic weapons, launched a successful attack on the city of Santa Cruz, Calif., and confiscated more than 130 marijuana plants that were intended, legally, to help relieve chronic pain of people certified as suffering and dying from diseases like diabetes and cancer. The agents arrested the two founders of the medical-marijuana cooperative that grew the plants. A major victory.

A war on Iraq might solve some important problems, Charlie reasoned. Many of our citizens are distracted by stock-market devastation, extensive stealing from the public by top corporate executives-many of whom are now part of or close to the president's administration-widespread business closings and extensive job loss. Sending our citizens to war will relieve the job-loss problem, improve the unemployment statistics and focus the population on what's really important, the Axis of Evil.

Though many nations around the world oppose a preemptive attack favored by President Bush and his associates, the leaders of some nations can be coerced with U.S. tax dollars. If we go to war, with or without the help of others, we are certain to achieve a quick and glorious victory.