The Consumer Products Safety Commission abandons testing in the Valley as they discover you can't drive fast enough to fully deploy the airbags.
Larry Metzger, Lattice Semiconductor

I hope they at least mention me in their new book, 'Crash Testing for Dummies.'
Michael Cook, Rockwell Collins Inc.

Seatbelts and airbags are all well and good, but I'd feel a lot safer if they'd put the d**n door back on.
David Barber, Vanguard Technical Solutions

Another day at the Mir docking simulator.
Perry Spooner, EMCEE Broadcast Products

You know, I wish they'd have the decency to give us some pants. I don't mind the draft so much, but those airbags chafe like you wouldn't believe.
Steve Chappell, Palmchip Corp.

A typical day at the General Motors 'Hot Vinyl on Bare Skin' test facility.
Haney Scott, Rockwell Collins

C-3PO's nightmare comes true. Halfway to work he realizes he forgot to put on his pants.'
Marco Forcone, Network Peripherals Inc.

Inside view of the new 80-gigabyte drive immediately before a head crash.
Duane Elms, TranSwitch

Of course I believe all those campaign promises. . . . Why do you ask?
Richard Barned, Heidelberg Digital

Captain Copper and his trusty companion Signal Integrity Boy prepare for their assault on the 10-GHz barrier.
Michael Greim, Mercury Computer Systems Inc.

Another future Linux user.
David Hartwick, Foerster Instruments Inc.

Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer buckle up in anticipation of a pleasant afternoon ride to the courthouse for their meeting with Judge Jackson.
Kim Jenney, Philips Semiconductor

Call me a dummy for being optimistic, but I really don't think this system is going to crash.
Frederic G. Myers, Carleton Inc.

I told you we should have telecommuted today.
Mike Harris, Avanti

My fingers are so stiff, I can't get a grip on the wheel. . . . Oh no, we're going to crash!!!!
Harry Solomon, GE Medical Systems

Crash Test Dummies' Vacation: 'Look kids, we're almost there. See that wall up ahead.'
Brian Cavanaugh, Honeywell-CES

To reduce costs, only the winners of the 'Downsizing Challenge' will be retaining their employment.
Toby Fredrickson, Xilinx

The Casual Fridays policy comes to a screeching halt.
Team EETNet: Don Swaab, Inrange Technologies; Zev Farkas, Maycom Ltd.; Jasyn Randazzo, Noranda Aluminum; and Jim Randazzo

I used to be an engineer . . . but I like this job a lot better.
Paul Zoito, TriQuint Semiconductor

I thought the job application said software test dummies.
John Beauford, Motorola

Dumb and Dumber meet Driving Miss Daisy.
Johnny Ancich, Dalsa

This is not a test!! THIS IS NOT A TEST!!!
Orest Bula, IBM

I do not get to run the thing
Nor even honk the horn.
But let the darn thing crash out there
And see who catches scorn.
Everett Groff, Dell Computer

What force made IW480 appear before IW479? Focus do the FBI and Interpol on saboteurs at Hilarious Artistic Words (HAW). Fingered by conspiracy theorists are Humorist Anarchist Revolution (HAR) and Thoughtful engineers engaging hilarity, entertainment and eggheadism (TEEHEE).

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Immortal Works Archive

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