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# A Few Good Bits

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1/17/2014 12:30 PM EST

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Root beer
1/17/2014 1:21:38 PM
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If you put root beer in a square glass, do you get real beer?

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Re: Root beer
1/17/2014 1:42:17 PM

I like this one:

Q: Why can't computer scientists distinguish between Christmas and
Halloween?
A: Because  oct(31) = dec(25)

(The site didn't seem to let me post a reply to the main article...)

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Re: Root beer
1/17/2014 6:18:02 PM
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@BigTech0 - the "COMMENT" link under the main article does not let you comment.  Very intuitive, that.

If you click "Post Message" under any existing comment, that lets you post a reply to the main article (ie a top-of-thread comment). "Reply" as you've found, lets you reply to an existing comment.

For an engineering site, I sometimes wonder who dreamed this up (and what he was smoking) :-)

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Chemical Joke
1/23/2014 1:08:13 PM
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While we're working on bad puns, a chemical rebus:

K9·2Be10 = Hot Dog

(Yeah, I know, it may be off topic, but it's 50% numbers.)

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Re: Chemical Joke
3/18/2014 2:04:34 PM
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@Stargzer: K9·2Be10 = Hot Dog

That's easy for you to say LOL

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Re: Root beer
1/17/2014 2:06:49 PM
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Re: Root beer
1/17/2014 3:32:46 PM
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My friend replies:

You ask the question in the hypothetical, thus the root beer is at least in part imaginary.

RootBeer = a + b*i

RootBeer² = a²-b² + 2abi ... obviously not real

I suppose the beer could be wholly imaginary (a=0), in that case you would owe me beer.

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Re: Root beer
1/17/2014 3:55:38 PM
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@BrusselsSprout: I suppose the beer could be wholly imaginary (a=0), in that case you would owe me beer.

I want 1 2 !

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Re: Root beer
1/17/2014 3:43:56 PM
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@ral613: If you put root beer in a square glass, do you get real beer?

GOOD ONE! I love it!

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Noah and the snakes
1/17/2014 1:28:29 PM
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Here is one I read in Scientific American many years ago.

It's after the flood, the waters have receded and the ark has grounded. Noah kicks down the ramp and says to the animals "Go forth and multiply!" All goes well until the snakes come to the door. "But Noah, we cannot multiply, for we are adders."

Noah is irritated. He grumbles, then grabs his axe and goes off toward a nearby forest. He chops down enough wood to make a crude table. Then he goes back to the ark and says to the snakes "Behold, I have built you a table of logs. Now you adders can multiply!"

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Re: Noah and the snakes
1/17/2014 3:45:09 PM
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@ral613: Behold, I have built you a table of logs. Now you adders can multiply!

Very clever!

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Number joke
1/17/2014 1:43:04 PM
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1 saves
There are 10 kinds of people. Those who know binary and...

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Re: Number joke
1/17/2014 3:29:07 PM
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More properly:

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.  Those that can extrapolate from available data....

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Re: Number joke
1/21/2014 9:36:20 PM
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There are 3 kinds of people in the wolrd. Those who can count and ...

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Re: Number joke
3/18/2014 2:03:30 PM
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@another nickname: There are 3 kinds of people in the wolrd. Those who can count and ...

... those who can't spell "world"? LOL

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Sir Cumference?
1/17/2014 1:48:12 PM
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Well, mathematical AND kinky!

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Gender selection joke
1/17/2014 2:18:36 PM
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A Native American woman wants desperately to have a son, so she asks her tribe's shaman if there is something she can do to make sure she has a son instead of a daughter.  He gives her a buffalo hide and tells her always to sleep on it.  Another woman has the same request.  He gives her an elk hide and tells her always to sleep on it.

A third woman has the same request.  At this point the shaman has run low on hides, but he finds an old hippopotamus hide and gives it to the woman.

Nine months later the first two women give birth to sons, and the third gives birth to twin sons.  There is much amazement over the twins and the people ask the shaman to explain this wonderful occurrence.  He tells them that all shamans know that "the sons of the hippopotamus hide are always equal to the sum of the sons of the other two hides."

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The Calculus Joke
1/17/2014 2:26:51 PM
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There once was a mathematician who always ate lunch at the same diner.  He became quite friendly with the waitress who served him at his usual table.

One day he told her: "I'm going to bring a friend tomorrow and I want to play a joke on him.  I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer: X squared over two.  Got it?  X squared over two."

She says fine, and the next day the mathematician brings his friend to lunch.  At one point, the mathematician says: "You know, these days everybody knows calculus.  Here, let me show you."

He signals the waitress, and when she comes he asks her: "What's the integral of x dx?"

She answers: "X squared over two... plus a constant."

[This is an important joke to tell your class when teaching calculus -- it's a great way to remember the constant.]

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Re: The Calculus Joke
1/17/2014 3:53:54 PM
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@Betajet: He became quite friendly with the waitress who served him at his usual table.

The wife of one of my friend's in the UK has a Masters in bio-chemistry. Many years ago now (I mean before everyone had computers on their desks) she left work to have kids. When the kids were a bit older she decided to go back to work, but she didn't want a full-time position, so she ended up working for a temp agency.

One of her jobs ended up being at some sort of R&D facility. Apparently the head of the dept to which she was assigned was a real jerk who was convinced of his superiority and who treated people like secetaries as though they were idiots.

He gave her a technical paper to write up. She spotted a subtle error with one of his biochemical formulas. Once she'd finished, she waited until he was chatting with some other managers, then she approached them and handed over the paper and told him "You made a mistake in this formula" and explained the thing in detail using lots of technical jargon then smiled nicely and walked off leaving him with a very strange look on his face :-)

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Re: The Calculus Joke
1/17/2014 3:58:56 PM
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Excellent!  As V.I. Warshawski says: "Never underestimate a man's ability to underestimate a woman".

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Re: The Calculus Joke
1/17/2014 4:05:32 PM
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@Betajet: "Never underestimate a man's ability to underestimate a woman".

I always liked that demonstration of how punctuation can change the meaning of a sentence:

A woman, without her man, is nothing.

A woman: without her, man is nothing.

Another one that makes me laugh is:

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle

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Re: The Calculus Joke
1/17/2014 4:11:45 PM
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Punctuate the following words: "fun fun fun worry worry worry".

[I'll be back later.]

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Topologist joke
1/17/2014 2:42:36 PM
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An an experiment, an engineer, a physicist, and a topologist are each locked in a room with a can of food but no can opener: all they have is pencil and paper.

The next day, the engineer's pencil and paper are unused, and the walls are covered with dents.  The engineer is sitting on the floor eating from the open can: he threw it against the walls until it cracked open.

The physicist's paper is covered with formulas, there is one dent in the wall, and the physicist is eating too.  He calculated exactly how to throw the can against the wall so it would crack open the first time.

When they open the topologist's room, the paper and walls are covered with formulas, the can is still closed, and the topologist has disappeared.  There are strange noises coming from inside the can.  Someone gets a can opener and opens it.  The topologist pops out and says "Thanks guys!" and adds somewhat sheepishly "I got one of the signs wrong".

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A number is involved....
1/17/2014 5:57:07 PM
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in this joke, which many of you have probably heard, but here goes.

A researcher investigating the humor of puns uses 10 sample puns to see if they can make each subject laugh but, for the most part, no pun in 10 did.

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Calculus
3/18/2014 1:47:06 PM
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From the 1960s:

a∫sds=½ass

From another friend.  If I had learned more of these I might have done better in calculus.

a⌠   1     dcabin=log cabin
⌡ cabin

(formatting can be a real bear ...)

(Wikipedia article on the SDS)