I just found another one I forgot to add. This one's a joke (at least, I hope it is). It reads as follows:
I was visiting my son the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"Dad, this is the 21st century," he said, "I don't waste money on newspapers, but you can borrow my iPad if you like."
I can tell you this: That spider never knew what hit him!
Although not from such an august journal as Reader's Digest I had to chuck at an email i go from my local chapers of the Professional Engineers of Ontario. They are having a 50th anniversary bash and the invitation reads:
You and one (1) guest are cordially invited to attend gratis to celebrate the growth and success of our chapter. Meet old friends ...
Cost: $20 per person ($40 for couples)
My dad never swore in front of me in his life (I don't know what he did when I wasn't there, but I don;t think he was different).
He always said that you don;t have to use profanity to make a joke funny -- I sort of grew up thinking that way -- it's not that I'm a prude of that I don;t hear swearing (have you met my wife? :-) but I really don't like watching comedians whose entire act is based on swearing, for example
I agree! So did Groucho. I'd rather hear someone be clever than rely on the embarrassment of hearing swear words!
So, here's one of my favorites:
Two ministers were discussing sin. One says to the other "I can't believe the state of morals of our youth today! My wife and I never had sex with each other before we were married. What about you?"
The other minister thinks and then says "I dunno...what was her maiden name?"
That reminds me of the one about the wedding reception, where bridegroom and his best man are leaning by the bar quaffing a few drinks.
The bridegroom looks around the room and says reflectively "Do you know, I think I've made love to every woman here." He pauses and then adda "Apart from my beautiful new wife, and her mother, of course."
The best man looks around the room and replies "Well, in that case, between us we've had the lot!"
The one about the wife making herself beautiful sparked this recollection:
Winston Churchill was attending a function and indulged his passion for brandy and cigars. A lady approached him and said "Winston, you are drunk!" wherupon he responded with what has to be one of the all-time greats;
" Yes, Madam, I am... and you are ugly. However, in the morning I will be sober..."